Plucked from the recesses of a response to a blog post from my friend Katherine…

Posted by Johnny Diggz on Monday, August 28, 2006 – 12:14 PM

I was traveling in Burma and a Buddist monk once offered to tell me where I could find, what he called, Ripeon-nok-tu (and I’m using phonetic spelling here).  Apparently it is a sacred banana tree deep in the Magwaese jungle.  He told me it was known for its sacred powers and delicious taste.  But he warned me that the journey to find it was treacherous and laden with danger.

My traveling companion, Mantu, a Congolese man of Scottish descent, warned me not to search for the Ripeon-nok-tu, but my sense of adventure and desire to taste the sacred fruit of the tree was too great.  He told me he could not go with me, so after a toast with a shot of Burmese rice wine, we parted paths.  “Go forth, brave Diggz,” he said, “and find your sacred fruit!”

I embarked on my quest alone.

It wasn’t until day three that I encountered any serious trouble.  I arrived at a small village deep in the jungle.  I bartered some trinkets I had purchased at the Sagaing Market for intel.  A village elder named Pin-kat-kin, intoxicated from chewing too many rubber tree leaves, warned me of the Yatishi gorillas.  He told me they knew I was coming for the Ripeon-nok-tu.  I had been betrayed!  Mantu was a trusted traveling companion, but he had a weakness for rice wine.  Damn you, Mantu!

The Yatishi gorillas were no ordinary rebel faction.  They were gorillas.  Big ones.  The kind that really like bananas.   And they didn’t take kindly to foreigners.

I joined the villagers for a feast of rubber tree leaves and minto soup for the night.  The next morning, before I departed, Pin-kat-kin pulled me aside and placed something in my hand.

“Take this, young Diggz,” he said.  “It will help you on your quest.”

I looked down into my palm and in it, was a golden jewel in the shape of a crest.  I thanked Pin-kat-kin for his hospitality and set forth into the domain of the Yatishi gorillas, and the sacred Ripeon-nok-tu.

So there I was. Alone, deep in the country of the Yatishi gorillas, betrayed by my former traveling companion, on my mission to seek the revered Ripeon-nok-tu banana tree. I was armed only with my machete and a crescent-shaped talisman given to me by a tribal elder on a rubber leaf binge, named Pin-kat-kin.

Times like these test one’s constitution and commitment. Had I made a terrible mistake? Was this to be my last adventure? Reason and logic had long since past. I was driven to find the Ripoeon-nok-tu. For its fruit certainly bears sweet nectar. I was hell-bent in a banana-infused journey from which I may never return.

The monsoon rains pelted the jungle canopy, echoing like drums. The Yatishi gorillas are cunning, so I moved forward with caution. As I crested a hill, I suddenly found myself overlooking an immense gorge, uncharted on any map. This was certainly the place the Buddhist monk had described so many days before.

Movement. From behind. I leapt to my side, but it was too late. A blinding flash. Losing consciousness. Fur. Grunts. The scent of bananas as I drifted away.

I dreamed of C-3PO and Ewoks.. Luke Skywalker wielding a giant banana-flavored lightsaber. Hard candy. John Candy. Wally World. The Jungle Cruise ride. Minimum wage. They Might Be Giants. Istanbul (not Constantinople). New Amsterdam. Martin Scorsese. Martin Scorsese’s mother. The Golden Girls. “Thank you for being a friend…”

I opened my eyes to a canopy of giant leaves swaying above me. My head throbbed as I turned and locked eyes with the largest gorilla I had ever seen. Slowly I sat up, resting my hands on confusions of tangled roots. I was surrounded by dozens of Yatishi gorillas.

With slow, purposeful moves I reached for my machete, but it was nowhere to be found. Suddenly I remembered the golden jewel that was given to me by the tribal elder. It was gone! I looked back to the largest Yatishi. He was wearing my talisman around his neck. I was doomed!

The gorillas began to grunt as the largest moved towards me. I backed away, into the trunk of a large tree. The grunts grew in volume and intensity as he came right up to me. I flinched as he shot his arms straight towards me, stopping only inches from my face.

In his hand was a single yellow banana. He seemed to be offering it to me. I cautiously reached up and took the banana from his enormous hand. It was a Ripeon-nok-tu banana. I looked up, and saw that I was sitting at the base of the sacred Ripeon-nok-tu banana tree. It was enormous and beautiful. I longed for a John Williams score that would perfectly capture its magnificence.

I pulled open the peel of the banana. The gorillas were now screaming and dancing about. I closed my eyes and took a bite.

As I tasted the sacred fruit, I thought to myself, “Eh, pretty much tastes like every other banana.”

The End…..or IS IT?