I swore to God I'd never go back to the Winter Park Village to see a movie on a Saturday night. But there I was, in line for Twizzlers at 7:30 on another Saturday, sandwiched between Mr. 50-year-old pleated-pants-golf-shirt dude and an expectant mother with two pre-teens in tow. How did I get here? I wondered. Pleated pants dude was ansy. I was practicing my slow breathing.

I could tell why Mr. Pleats was ansy...there were two registers open but we were all in one line. There was plenty room for two lines, but it appeared no one else was aware of this but me and Mr. Pleats. The group in line ahead of us wasn't paying attention. Pleats knew it; I knew it.

I couldn't make the dash to form line number 2, but Pleats could. Especially with me backing him up. If everything worked out just right, no one else would notice, and me and Pleats would scoot up and be next in line.

Pleats looks at his watch and then his ticket. He makes a slight move towards the open register, but then pauses. He taps the person in front of him on the shoulder and points out the open register.

The queue was not broken.

One thing that I noticed when Mr. Pleats was looking at his ticket was that he was going to see the same movie I was: Bill Maher's "Religulous". It opened the night before and Winter Park Village is the only place in town showing it (which is why I had broken my promise to God).

"Religulous" is a documentary...more of a commentary, about religion. Not just any religion, but ALL religion. At times it is reminiscent of "Borat", which makes sense because it was directed by Larry Charles who also directed "Borat", among other things (including writing, producing and directing for "Seinfeld", "Curb Your Enthusiasm", "Entourage" and a host of others). But Borat is just a character.

The star of "Religulous" is the very real Bill Maher (of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher", and previously host of "Politically Correct"). "Religulous" takes a humorous and irreverent look at some of the hypocrisy, intolerance and just plain silliness of religion in our culture and asks questions like "Did Jesus have a Jew-Fro?"

Maher takes cameras into a Muslim mosque, to the Temple in Salt Lake City and to the Vatican and just asks simple questions. He talks to a Rabbi who doesn't believe Israel should exist. He connects with the actor who plays Jesus at the Holy Land Experience right here in Orlando. He doesn't bash or hate, most of the religious folks do that on their own. He's just a regular agnostic Jew, raised as a Catholic.

And I think it's his truly agnostic viewpoint that really drives his point home. He's not really trying to "debunk" anything. If nothing else, he just lets religion debunk itself and he had the cameras there to capture it. And it's damn funny. It's smart like Mythbusters without being corny like Penn and Teller's "BullSh*t" is sometimes.

Of course, "Religulous" didn't have to sell me, because I'm already agnostic...I'm a border-line atheist but I'll concede to the point that I really just don't know. I can't prove that God doesn't exist any more than anyone can prove that he does. But I do know that a lot of crappy things have happened in this world because of people clinging to bronze-age-old mysticisms.

I came to the conclusion that Mr. Pleats was probably agnostic or atheist as well...this isn't exactly the kind of movie you run out and see if you're a die-hard Scientologist. And I thought about his rather Jesus-like maneuver of pointing out the open register to the folks in front of him. Where did this miraculous act kindness come from?

Certainly not from his faith. That's because you don't need to believe in God or follow the words written on stone tablets to be kind to your fellow man. It just makes sense.

If you're like me, you have old gadgets you don't use anymore.  Cell phones, PDA's, laptops...whatever.  I have a Dell Axim 50v PDA that might as well be a paperweight, an old digital camcorder, a laptop with a faulty battery, and several old cell phones.

I just signed up for this service called Gazelle.  Go to their website, put in the model and brand of your worthless gadget, and they make you an instant offer.  All you have to do is ship it to em...and they even pay for shipping.  It's capitalism at its finest...recycle your old gear for cash.  Everybody wins!

I was offered $81 for my Dell Axim and $39 for my old T-Mobile cell phone.   For items they couldn't quote me right away, they promised an offer within one business day.

I don't have the cash yet, but I'll keep you posted.  Or check it out for yourself: 

Get Cash For Your Recycled Gadgets at gazelle.com!

Something that continually fascinates me is how closely music is tied to emotion and memory.   Much like pictures and smells, songs can evoke memories (and emotions tied to those memories) in a way that transcends the lyrics and original meaning of the song.  

For example, whenever I hear the song, "You're So Vain", I have an instant recollection sitting cross-legged on the '70s shag carpet in my parents living room, watching my mother sing along (while vacuuming) as the song poured out of our recently purchased Hi-Fi stereo system.  

The image that comes to my mind, and the nostalgic feeling it evokes, has nothing to do with Carly Simon's critical profile of a self-absorbed lover.  There's no mention of a shag carpet or vacuum in the lyrics (believe me...I've looked!).  

The memory is triggered because that was where I was (and what I was doing) when I first heard the song.   And this memory can have a huge impact on how you react to a song...even on a subconsious level.  In fact, any memory can be irrevocably imprinted with a song (or vice-versa).  Sometimes songs can be ruined for you forever just by association with a painful memory.

One time I was playing a solo night at the Red Fox Lounge and in the bar were some women who were celebrating a recent divorce.  They were drinking and having a good ole time and I started playing "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton.  Sounds safe enough, huh?

Wrong.

Turns out (I found out later) that "Wonderful Tonight" was the recent divorcee's wedding song.  And she thought that I was playing some sort of sick joke on her (I had absolutely NO idea).  So suddenly I'm getting booed (I mean really BOOOED) at by this group of 5 drunken ladies.   It  really  turned the tiny room  sour.  
 
So anytime I come across science dudes doing research in this area, I always take note (I like to avoid getting booed).  These guys took the top songs from iTunes and had people listen to them and answer surveys.  The results are not profound, by any stretch, but may make you think about what songs are intertwined into your memories, essentially forming the soundtrack of your life. 

To read more click here:  Music and memory: How the songs we heard growing up shape the story of our lives

I'd THOUGHT I'd pretty much heard everything John Lennon had recorded, music or otherwise. But in 1969, a 14 year old Toronto student interviewed John Lennon (I assume at one of his bed-in press conferences for peace). I recently came across this interview, which has been enhanced by some fantastic animation. His message from almost 30 years ago still rings true today.

So I was just thinking of a couple of "Firsts" for me at Howl at the Moon last night.  It was my third shift since my "official" training ended.  I was pared up with Joe, who I hadn't played with in a couple of months. 

Joe's the "Head Chief" of all the entertainers at howl.  He travels a lot, much of which is to help ensure some level consistency of entertainment throughout the chain (I think there are like 10 of them around the country).  He auditions and hires (and I can only assume, fires) entertainers.  But his home is in Central Florida, so the Orlando Howl is his home base.   He also happens to be one entertaining mo-fo.   It must be the shaved head.

When I started training, I played almost exclusively with Joe for the first couple of months.  He's primarily a guitar player, but this guy's no slouch on the keys.  Or the drums.  Or the Bass...and his vocal range....fughettabout it.  He's a regular one-bald-man-band.   He taught me the ropes.  The basics...like..."hey, asshat....the audience is THAT way!" (I had a bad habit of looking at my partner instead of the audience...one I'm still working on).  

But, like I said, Joe travels a lot, so just about the time I figured out which direction the audience was, he passed me off to Ken, who taught me the importance of smiling a lot.  Two very important things to know in the dueling piano business, when combined it sounds very simple, but is so very true:  Smile at the Audience!   Sounds simple enough, huh?    If it were only that easy.  :-)

So firsts for my third shift:

1.  First time doing a "call-down".
So "call-downs" are when someone has a birthday or anniversary or whatever they're celebrating.  Usually their friends will write their name down, wrap it in some $ and stick it on the piano.  So the player calls them down to the stage and (hopefully) a funny bit will ensue.  Technically it's "UP" to the stage...we should call them "Call-Ups".  

There was a girl having a birthday.  I'd never done a "call down" before...I've always passed them off to my partner.   But here was $5 in front of me and I figured I could give it try.  I was going to do the BOLOGNA song (I learned it from Ken, but I don't know where it came from originally...I imagine it's been around for years and years in varying versions).  Basically it's a parody of the Oscar Mayer jingle involving a penis and a vagina.  You get the idea.

So I call this girl, Heather, up to the stage (ahem...Call-UP?) and she looks very nervous.  And I don't know why, but at the last second I changed the song to "You've Lost that Loving Feeling".  Don't know why...never done that song as a call down...just did it.  Anyway...it didn't flop...wasn't particularly entertaining, but I broke my call-down cherry.  Heather didn't even know she was my first. 

2.  First time playing Bass
I've held the bass.  I've tuned the bass.  I've even played along to songs before my shift once or twice.  I've played the drums a couple of times during shows (not well).  But never the bass.  So we're towards the end of the night, and we had some band requests.  They were songs I didn't know on piano, so Orin takes off the bass, hands it to me and says, with a grin, "learn it, NOW!".   So I played bass.  I didn't play fancy bass.  But after some fumbling, I was grooving to "Love Shack".  And then "Don't Stop Believing".   There was a third song in there too, but it's already left my memory.   Now I need to actually buy a bass and get some real practice time in, but for now it is good to know that, in a pinch, I can fumble my way.

3.  First time leading the hand signals for "Joy to the World"
I've watched.  I'd never done.  Which was really stupid of me...I've seen it done by others dozens of times, but never actually physically done it myself.  Joe played it, so I did it.  If you'd have told me a year ago that I'd be getting paid to stand on the tops of two baby grand pianos, and lead a hundred drunk people to grab their balls and boobs, I'd have said that's just crazy talk.   

So those are just a few of the firsts from last night.  I played a couple of songs that were new, but those weren't the highlights of the evening.  

Sure, nothing compared to Sunday night's Captain Crunch Smugfest on the Drew Show.  We had comedian Tom Rhodes in the studio.  The podcast is up at www.drewshow.com if you want to check it out. 

The pure stupidity of this just amazes me.  Kellogg's has introduced LEGO-SHAPED fruit flavored snacks.  I'm not kidding.  This is a HUGE company...and not one person stood up in a meeting and said "hey guys, don't ya think kids might see these and assume that ALL LEGOS are edible?"    What's next?  Fruit-flavored shards of glass?

http://www2.kelloggs.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=8213

I was dancing at I-Bar tonight and they played the song "Love Train" (by the O'Jays, no less!).  I was catching a breath and watched as an actual 'Love Train' of people formed in single file, snaking around the dance floor.

I've been on the love train before, and it can be a fun time.  But it's not without its share of difficulties.  First of all, you have to get on the Love Train.  This takes timing, position, and a little bit of luck. 

1.  Timing:  If you're flying solo, starting a Love Train is pretty much impossible, so you have to wait until another group starts one, and then you have to jump on at the right time...hopefully right behind that hottie*.

In some ways, the Love Train can be really cool.  It can be a bit of an ice-breaker, because it's a dance that requires physical contact with others, and it's a group dance (akin to "The Electric Slide") in which there's a specifc way everyone dances to it.

2.  Position:  On many dance floors, there tend to be little "pockets" of dancers, usually formed by groups of friends and/or people with similar dance styles.  The Love Train mixes up the dance floor...at the end of a successfully executed Love Train, everyone will be moved around, so you have new groups of people...and some of these people interact, and then, over time, new "pockets" form.    The cool thing is if there was an interesting person that caught your eye from across the floor (*you know the one!), there's a chance that the Love Train will dump you out dancing right next to them for the next song.  But if you had your timing right, you were already playing caboose with them anyway (See PART 1). 

This is another case where it helps to be the conductor of the train.   The downside of being the conductor though, is that you have no one in front of you.  Especially that hottie* from across the floor. But the upside is that you can control exactly where the train stops.  So guess where it's gonna end?  That's right, baby...HOTTIE CITY! 

But beware of hijackers!  It doesn't take much to hijack a Love Train.   But I digress....I'll have to write another whole entry on the Tao of the Love Train Conductor.

3.  A Little Bit of Luck:  The randomness that you can't control.   This is the cool part of being on the Love Train that you never know where it's going.  Sometimes they spiral in, around, figure 8...it can be a crazy train...up, down,  spin...no two Love Trains are the same, and you never know which one you're on until it drops you off.  With a little luck, you'll have a good time no matter what.  And if your timing was good, and your positioning was planned well, when it drops you off, you're dancing next to the hottie* from across the room.  And who knows what could happen then?

So I watch as the Love Train forms in front of me on the dance floor, and wonder if I have it in me to climb aboard.  Was the timing right?  Was the positioning right?  Was this a train I was prepared to jump on?  Right here, right now?  Am I feeling lucky?  Where is that hottie, anyway?

 

Gee, if only it were just this easy.  I really want to know what the "Honey Point" is, though.  Is he asking if he can call her "honey"?  Or is this some pre-teen ritual using sweetners I am not aware of?  And I think just about every guy that's ever had a crush on a girl can relate to the last line.

I love Orson Scott Card, especially his Ender Wiggins series.  I can also say I've read and am a fan of the Harry Potter series.  But I've always thought there was more than a little bit of similarity between the two series. 

So I was a slighly miffed when I first heard that JK Rowling was suing a guy for trying to publish a "Harry Potter Lexicon".  I mean, these kinds of things are so prevalent...Star Trek, Star Wars, Seinfeld... trivia books... authorized / unauthorized...whatever.   You have something that touches pop-culture status, and fans are bound to write about it, build websites, start fan clubs, etc.  I was miffed, but it apparently PISSED OFF award-winning novelist Orson Scott Card, to the point that he decided to really rip JK Rowling a new orifice...

One of my favorite parts:

"A young kid growing up in an oppressive family situation suddenly learns that he is one of a special class of children with special abilities, who are to be educated in a remote training facility where student life is dominated by an intense game played by teams flying in midair, at which this kid turns out to be exceptionally talented and a natural leader. He trains other kids in unauthorized extra sessions, which enrages his enemies, who attack him with the intention of killing him; but he is protected by his loyal, brilliant friends and gains strength from the love of some of his family members. He is given special guidance by an older man of legendary accomplishments who previously kept the enemy at bay. He goes on to become the crucial figure in a struggle against an unseen enemy who threatens the whole world.

Sound familiar to Harry Potter fans?   Well it's the plot of Card's "Ender's Game", which came out YEARS before Harry Potter was a twitch in Rowling's snitch.   You can read Orson's whole comment here:  http://www.linearpublishing.com/RhinoStory.html

Are you, like me, tired of silly relationship issues? Would like to unplug and enter at state where human relationships mean as much to you as how many steps it took to walk from your car to the front door?

Just take a synapse-regulating inhibitor! Your relationship issues will just float away, and you might be on your way to enjoying your own "Rain Man" suite in Vegas!

According to researchers knowledgeable about such things, scientists now can turn "autism" on or off in lab mice.

So maybe next time you can turn that bitter breakup into a new career!

Scientology Video BBC

So I haven't written yet about the "in production" new Star Trek film, directed by "Lost" creator (also "MI: III" and "Alias", J.J. Abrams.

Penned by blockbuster writers, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, ("Transformers", "MI:III"), it is being touted as a "re-envisioning" of the Star Trek universe. Rumor is that it chronicles the early days of Kirk and Spock and perhaps the maiden voyage of the Enterprise-1701 (not, mind you, the Enterprise NX-01 which appeared in the television series, "Star Trek: Enterprise", with the guy from Quantum Leap).

Today, a new “teaser trailer” appeared the ‘net:

Got my attention.

Uplifting story about a man who was a real Forrest Gump...

The Legend of Cliff Young

One of our local FM alternative rock stations in Orlando suddenly changed format over the weekend. WOCL 105.9 O-Rock, home to Drew Garabo, Jody & Scott, amongst others, is now playing oldies. Oddly enough, when I was in high school, the same station was known as "Cool 105.9" and was an oldies station. Whether it will continue to be oldies, I can not predict.

I had a brief chat with Drew online last night and it appears all the existing on-air talent has been canned. I just saw a post on MySpace from Jody & Scott, here's a snippet:

Ok then.... new site is coming on January 11th at the new JodyandScott.com.

Soon we'll have new broadcasts, podcasts, music, new blog stuff, and whatever the hell else we can think of. BUT, since we no longer have 100,000 watts to promote our lame crap, it's gonna be a bit of a challenge. Between now and the 11th we are trying to spread the word as aggressively as possible about the new site.

Drew, in his typically sarcastic sense of humor had this to say about the transition, "oh, just your garden-variety radio format change, leaving all full-time air staff without jobs. Nothing to be alarmed about."

On his blog on MySpace, however, Drew was a bit more serious about his future and thankful to his fans, "Making the world a better place through laughter is something I have strived to do since I was a little kid, and even if I never get a similar opportunity to do so then I have already made my mark."

But you can read that all for yourself here: Drew Garabo on MySpace.

4 in the cooch, Drew. 4 in the cooch.

On the grass is where I want to be, feeling your moon-tanned body next to me, Under the trees and clouds and starry sky, Just me and you, and you and I.